dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
