those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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