you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
