All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
