dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
