it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
