He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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