if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
