I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
