I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
