I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
