i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
