I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
