I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
