White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
