No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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