Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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