Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
