You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think your dad took our porno
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
