you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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