Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
