According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
