If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
