bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
