Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
