I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I want a musical about memes.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
