i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
