I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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