Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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