false alarm. still invincible.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
