Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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