Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
