TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
