She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
