Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
