sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
