Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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