She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
