Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
sarcasm needs its own font
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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