I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
