If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
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