You're a womanizer and a bitch.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Come share oat with me in your robe
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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