are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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