Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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