my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
