Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
