i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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