It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
