if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
