just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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