is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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