C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
