you traded sex for a burrito?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
