just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
