Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize