You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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