Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dicks are not precious.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
