watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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