My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
