Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
