we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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