obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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