Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
smell my finger.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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