This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
