bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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