my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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