i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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