Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize