I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
