Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
