There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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