True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
