i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize