Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
