Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize