I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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