Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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