i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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