Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize