Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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