Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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