it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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