Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
