I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
