Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
