Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I need mimosas to revive my soul
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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