i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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