remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
