We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
