Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
