Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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