She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
