I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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