WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
