Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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