im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
