I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
