sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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