your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
