He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
