My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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